In the name of higher consciousness…

It appears that I seem to have more dedicated readers than I had originally thought. I am pleased! For those wonderful, brilliant, and special viewers, I thank you for enjoying my neurotic, heavy, and slightly (intensely) random posts, for without you, they would be meaningless shit. They may still be, but, I enjoy posting them just the same. 🙂

 

I haven’t been posting as much due to some…distractions. I seem to be trying to do some “spring-cleaning” type things in my life recently, yet I still end up with cobwebs stuck in the corners of my mind, which I can’t seem to pick up. Work is always hard. Life is always hard. Being poor is always hard. Being alone is hard, yet, becoming easier I’ve noticed. Cooking for myself is nice. Drinking a bottle of wine is nice. Speaking of wine and nice things…

 

This weekend marks the greatest day in all history. That’s right — this Sunday will be the beginning of the 26th year of my life and I am thrilled. Not really about growing older or getting over the “quarter-life crisis” as I have been calling it, but I am thrilled because I will be celebrating it with my family AND two of my best friends. A much needed vacation with a purpose! Shelia, Erin, and I will be packing into my car and heading to the coast to visit my family and to party our asses off. I look forward to my mother’s face and the way her eyes light up as I pull into the drive-way. I assume I get the same look as we both have the same eyes. I love my mother and miss her everyday. It will be nice to see her.  There will be cake, wish-making, dancing, more cake, drinking, laughing, singing, and memories being made and that’s what makes me the happiest about, not only birthdays, but being around friends and loved ones. Should be a proper weekend and a proper birthday. Ready to party and get knee-walkin’ drunk. Let’s party. 🙂

No greater love.

No greater love.

The day I was born. Stubborn and different/difficult even before birth, I decided not to turn and my mom had to have a c-section. Poor mother. 🙂

Greatness

You were born with potential. You were born with goodness and trust. You were born with ideals and dreams. You were born with greatness. You were born with wings. You are not meant for crawling, so don’t. You have wings — learn to use them and fly.

 

— Rumi

I don’t recall ever a time when you felt fine…

It’s been a minute since I’ve updated this blog. Not a lot has happened (worth speaking of) since the last post. A few new developments: today, my sweet kitties, Amelia Montgomery and Olivia Leigh turn 1 year old! Sigh. They’ll always be my sweet baby girls. 🙂

I’m still finding moments of my life to be confusing, frustrating, upsetting, unsettling, and destructive. I’ve been trying to put forth more effort and focus into my work, yet, I’m still quite unhappy with it. Looking for new jobs is difficult – getting an interview is even more so. Hopefully something will give.

I have all of these feelings flowing through me like a rage and I can’t seem to drop them. Discretion is the name of the game; yet.. I’m the one with all of the feelings as far as I know. I know (at least, I think I know/should know) right from wrong. What happens, though, when your heart takes over? What do you do? Also, what makes the heart overtake the brain every time? It’s emotionally unfair. I can’t bring myself to forget or let go. It’s dragging me down but I don’t regret anything. This probably doesn’t make much sense to anyone, but my feelings still exist. They’re fresh. I just wish things were different.

Self-Portrait

Self-Portrait

As always.

Loves of my life

Loves of my life

My sweet Millie Montgomery and Livvy Leigh. Sweetest babies a mommy could want.

my sweet pancito

my sweet pancito

jader and i, a bottle of wine, and laughs.

ladies

ladies

my lovely redheaded girl.

the mastermind behind it all

the mastermind behind it all

in my new home. blisssss.

Loveeeeee

All things love today. Dunno why. ❤ party on with love.